Tuesday, March 17, 2015

Opening the Portal--Part 3 FINDING LOVE




The beautiful woman’s eyes were sweet and clear, and she looked directly into my heart. I could not resist her gaze and opened the stand again. She bought what she had come for and turned to leave. 

“Wait,” I called to her. “Please don't leave yet. Let me close up, and I will walk you home.  It is almost dark, and it is unsafe for a woman as beautiful as you.”
“How do I know that it will be safe to be with you?” she asked, with a glint in her deep brown eyes.

“Why, I am of the Royal Family. Of course you are safe with me.” 

I was shocked and embarrassed at what I had said, but a long forgotten memory began to form in my mind. It was another child's face. Yes, it was my sister's face, the one whom we had released. I looked at the woman before me.

Would my sister have looked like her if she could have survived her explorations of the third dimensionals? And then, as if a lightening bolt had hit my mind, I remembered. I did not remember all, but the fog began to clear, and I could see visions of purity waiting at the edges of my mind.

I looked up at the woman. How long had I stared off into my reverie of remembering?  Her face showed a slight concern, but she did not ridicule my statements. 

“Then come, my Lord, and see me home.” She smiled warmly, almost as if she believed me.

As we walked to her home at the edge of the city, she talked lightly about her life. Her family had just arrived in this city. They were very poor and had come to find a better life.  Her mother and father and little brothers and sisters greeted me like a long-lost friend.

It was then that we realized that we had not exchanged names. We had felt so comfortable from the moment that we began to walk, that introductions seemed unnecessary. Her name was Lenexa, and I think that I started loving her from that very first day. 

Lenexa began bringing me my noon meal and stayed to share our meal. She would save her shopping for the end of the day, and I would walk her home. If there were anything left over in my booth, I would bring it to her family. I would, of course, save some for my dear adopted mother. When my mother, first met Lenexa, she embraced her warmly.  She knew that this woman was my savior.

As my memory began to return, I told Lenexa a continuous story about a mythical character who was really myself. She loved the story and every day asked for more. I told her everything, except of course, for the secret doctrines of the Maya. It was not too long before we made love. 

It was very different than making love to Hopenakaniah. With Lenexa, it was sweet and loving and grounding. Every time we had an orgasm, we would go deep into the earth together. We were like two trees with our roots running deep in the earth. I tried to find the herb so that she would not have a child, but she said that she wanted to have my baby.

“But I cannot take you as my wife. I have to leave soon.”

“We will meet again,” she always replied.

“My time in the city was coming to an end, and to my surprise, I found that I did not want to leave. I had grown to love Lenexa in a calm and simple way. I loved Hopenakaniah like a part of myself, but I loved Lenexa like a tree would love its roots or a plant would love its flower. How could I leave her? 

She had saved my life! Could I just abandon her? But could I abandon my purpose? I didn't know what my purpose was. Lenexa had taught me how to love life in the third dimension and now I would have to leave it, probably forever. I would have to leave her! 

I became more and more distracted. Our lovemaking became desperate and deeply passionate until one time, we did not go deep into the earth, but instead, rose into the higher planes like I had done with Hopenakaniah. I saw her as a winged angel, and she saw me as a God from another world. When at last we returned to Earth, she looked into my eyes with her deep wisdom.

“It is time for you to leave now. We will meet again. Go now, Beloved, while I still have the strength to send you away.” 

“I tried to stay, but she would not let me. She literally pushed me away from her. I realized that I was crying, as was she.

“Go Home!” she cried. “Don't make me say it again.”

Then my beloved Lenexa turned and ran away from me. Every muscle in my body wanted to follow her. But, as always, she was right. The six months were over by more than a week. I slowly walked home and kissed my dear adopted mother goodbye. I had some tokens of value that I had saved. 

“Give half to Lenexa and save the other half for your self. Please watch over her like you have watched over me.  I must leave.”
As usual, my mother did not question me. She understood. I turned and left her in the small shack which I had grown to love.

“I waited for three long days and nights and still my brother and sisters had not joined me.  Perhaps they had forgotten like I had. They may not have been as fortunate as me in finding someone to take care for them or to make them remember. Maybe they were even dead. 

I searched for them in my mind like we did as children. As children we would play a game like your hide and seek, but we would search with our minds. The rules were that we could only look for each other inside ourselves. We had one chance to go to a hiding place, and we became very good. 

We could find and contact each other every time, no matter how far apart we were. We had started this game after our sister was released. What a brave soul she had been. It was the vision of her that had made me remember. I had often wondered if Lenexa was her reincarnation. If that were true, perhaps she could also find the others and help them as well. 

Another day passed and still no sign of them. Maybe they had already been there and left. I had been late, myself. But if I went to the temple without them, then they might wait here for me. I was frozen with indecision. I decided to call my Arcturian father to ask for his counsel. 

For all of my life, he had been there, either in person or in thought, with the simplest call of my mind. However, this time it was different. I called and called to him with no response.  What had happened? Had I lowered my vibration so much that I could no longer communicate with my family? Had I forgotten how to call them? 

Perhaps that was why I could not find my brother and sisters. Desperation and fear were starting to arise in me. I knew that if I allowed my emotions to get the better of me that I would never be able to reach my father. I tried and tried, but there was no reply. Finally, I decided that I would have to travel to Arcturus and find him. 

I knew that I would have to meditate for a long time in order to raise my vibration into the seventh octave so that I could journey Home in my mind. I had never gone to Arcturus alone. I had always gone with my father, or with Hopenakaniah during our sexual mating.  Would I be able to raise my vibration that high without the assistance of others?

I determined not to ponder that question, since it would only create doubt and fear. I found a favorite meditation spot in the crook of a large tree that I had often used when we lived in the jungle. I expected peace and calm to overtake me in this spot as it had always done before, but it did not happen. My mind was closed. My heart was empty. I had not meditated in many months and now I had forgotten how. 

Negativity, anger and fear closed me off from that higher portion of myself. I tried and tried to raise my vibration, but nothing worked. My eyes flew open and the world around me that had been safe and protective became a dense and threatening jungle.

In a rage, I grabbed a large stone and began to beat the earth in front of me. A hole began to form. I pounded more and more, harder and harder. The hole became larger and larger until finally, in exhaustion, I lay back against the tree and closed my eyes.

I then saw that same hole; only it was in my mind. It was calling me to enter it. It was dark and foreboding, but it would not leave my consciousness. I needed to journey down to the depths of myself. I had to enter that hole and follow its winding route deep into the core of my anguished mind. 

Many pictures and feelings of my life with the third dimensionals swirled before and within me, interrupting my journey. I remembered that if I put my attention on any of these distractions that I would become trapped in their mire. The hole wound deeper and deeper into my psyche, and in fact, into my physical form. 

I began to realize that I was journeying into the cellular structure of my physical form. The deeper I traveled, the smaller everything became. I was no longer three-dimensional. I was two-dimensional, and then I was a speck of one dimensionality. 

      "And then everything stopped. I was at a wall within myself. I needed to break through that wall. I couldn't let it stop me. I was more. I knew that I was more. With the force of my convictions, I pushed through the wall and found that I was in deep outer space. I saw the stars about me. 

“I AM LIGHT!” I cried with exaltation. “I AM LIGHT, AND I AM OF THE ONE!”

I went back into the long hole again, spreading the message to every cell and atom of myself.

I allowed that message into every portion of being. There is no separation.  We are all “of the One.” None are too grand or too small. Darkness is an illusion. Pain is an illusion.  Loneliness is an illusion. SEPARATION IS AN ILLUSION!

 I concentrated on my breath, and my heart felt complete, unconditional love and unity with all life. Slowly I raised this expanded awareness to my head and sent a beam of light down my spine to anchor myself in the Earth. I felt the tree around me reverberate to the increased energy flowing from my presence. I thanked the tree for its ancient protection.  Little did I know how much I would need it?
At first, this meditation was much like the many I had experienced throughout my life. The external world faded away and all the illusions of life, even my journey into the city, began to fade from me. But then suddenly, I found myself in the most awful place of darkness that I had ever experienced. 

The only thing that I could recognize about it was the murder that I had witnessed on my first day in the marketplace. Angry and needy ghosts and discarnates pulled at me and beckoned me into their lair. My solar plexus was burning and I reached out to grasp the tree to protect me further, but the enemy was not in the physical. My enemy was in the Lower Astral Plane, the psychic waste-can of life on the third dimension. 

I had never before experienced it, as I had always been protected from any negativity of the physical world. Therefore, I had passed through this area of the inner worlds protected by my lack of experience. I had not had the experiences in my life that could have even made me recognize the possibility of such a world. 

Now I had had those experiences, and they all flashed before my mind at once, accompanied by all the negative thinking and unpleasant emotions that I had experienced and observed. I began to feel ill and wanted to come out of this awful place. However, I knew that I must not allow my fear of becoming trapped to close me off from the higher dimensions forever. 

This experience must have been the reason why they had wanted us to live in the city. We had to experience the darkest portions of ourselves in order to complete our mission. But I did not even know what my mission was. However, thoughts of my mission brought me courage, and I began to battle the darkness.

But as I battled the darkness, I found that it was infinite, and for every portion of it I conquered, there was more to take its place. I was losing the battle. I could feel myself becoming drained of my essence. The darkness was stealing my light. 

But wait! I had to remind myself why I had not experienced this darkness before. Yes, it was because I had not known darkness in my life. This darkness could attack me only through my own inner darkness.

I had to remind myself why 
I had not experienced this darkness before. 
Yes, it was because I had not known darkness in my life. 
This darkness could attack me only through my own inner darkness. 


How is YOUR initiation going. Mine is amazingly wonderful, then suddenly just the opposite, gets resolved more quickly. BUT I still fall into fatigue and the ensuing drama.

Please Share :-)


  1. alex alfa ashton 1March 18, 2015 at 2:46 AM

    What do you remember as an important initiation?
    must have been in the 80’s.. my 3d body on a bed .i go into delta….gamma ,a soft bliss .i leave that body .see earth from space.see this solar system,.see this galaxy ..and so on and on and on ..going within/without at same time …
    Then the voice,which had always been with me along this Journey( my consciousness..) ,says
    :from this frequency on no one can see-know anything more:
    you ,anybody can only merge .melt .become one with IT …
    the last remnants of a individualized consciousness of mine say: IT… what??
    the answer flashes in the Everpresent NOW:
    The infinite
    the ONE
    your real identity …
    the voice inside says:
    Yes all phenomena are ONE remember ..

    I was then or actually contemporarily shown other holo-videos in differrent timelines and dimensions

    Like a cleaning upon Gaia,a new earth,and more
    My being changed forever

    What is your "mission/work"?
    express truth &ONESS,Complete here a set of experiences and help LIFE also as Gaia..

    Have you ever forgotten your Mission?

    Yes ..Some of my selves have.

    How did you remember it?
    going within,reconnecting ,being consciousness,
    applying unc. Love unc. Acceptance unc. Forgiveness
    ,being rescued-helped …renouncing some patterns

  2. Not as bad as I had thought in the beginning. There is time when I am very aware of my emotions, but there is also time when I don't even mind losing it with one drama after another. When I'm having those moments when I really feel like quitting it, I let all my anger and sadness out. And then I move on, and forgive myself unconditionally AGAIN. It's a very tough journey, we should give ourselves some credit by whining or any other way that is useful to help us release our stress. Then we do the hardest part: forgiving ourselves unconditionally. "It is this unconditional love that allows us to make mistakes", said Arcturians. Indeed it is. It is said that it took Buddha 300 years to come to the enlightenment of loving Self unconditionally. Maybe it's time for us to learn about that. No need to be the perfect one.

  3. Dearest Sue, thank you for this wonderful story. Your timing -- Arcturian timing -- is impeccable. I know exactly what it means to have 'the mission' become the most important aspect of my life and yet not know what the mission is! The loneliness has been immense, but has repeatedly turned me within so that today, I understand what you're saying in your stories! The energy right now is unbelievably high and it's difficult, as everyone here is feeling, and feeling in your story, too, to keep our vibes high. But I am more than confident that we are indeed doing just that and it gets better and better and better....... until we 'know' we're home wherever we are. Love to you and thank you again. You are telling us our story and we are remembering and as the memories surface, Gaia dances closer and closer to 5D. We're doing it!