February 11, 2011
I woke up in the morning feeling like I had not slept at all. I was depressed and felt like I was made of led. I could not remember my dreams, but they could not have been good. I knew that I had to meditate before I went to work or I would have a very bad day. I was surprised to see how easily I went into a deep trance, and began to feel like myself again. If you have been reading this blog, you know that I have been revisiting a deep connection with my fifth dimensional stepping-stone SELF. This connection began in 1993 and lasted until about 1997.
After that, the challenges of daily life took over. Then, I started writing my website, and I forgot about those messages. Of course, once I was aligned with that energy, those files in my computer jumped up at me, and I revisited that time of my early awakening. As I went deeper and deeper into my morning meditation, I recognized the feeling of Kepier (the aforementioned fifth dimensional expression of my SELF). The energy was extremely strong and filled my heart. I heard her say to me, “I will tell you everything I know.”
Before I had a chance to acclimate to that wonderful statement, I felt an even higher—much higher—frequency come into my Third Eye. It was so powerful that I could hardly breathe and had to calm myself to accept the energy into my form. To my surprise the energy said, “I will teach you how to ascend.”
I knew that I had to get ready for work and that I was way late, so I forced myself back to the physical world. I couldn’t shower or eat a descent meal, but I didn’t care. My energy had gone from dragging on the ground to soaring in the Heavens. On the way to work, my friend called me and told me that Mobarak had stepped down. I thought, of course, that amazing energy was the Flow of the Unity Consciousness of ascension. I floated through the day, which was long, and into the next work day.
I couldn’t find any time to write about this until now, three days later, but it has been constantly in my consciousness. I wish that I could say that I felt wonderful the entire time, but as usual, the extreme light flushed out old patterns of darkness/fear. It took me a while to understand how this amazing experience could have brought up so many ego issues.
As I am sure many of you have experienced how this high frequency light is revealing fear-based thoughts, emotions and behaviors that need to be released. I have been feeling my ambitious self (I am a Capricorn), and I have been my thinking going into comparison and competition. I have been catching these thoughts, but the force of this habit seems to be limitless. Of course, the Unity Consciousness of Oness would flush these fears of limitation to the surface. Yes, they are fears, I have discovered since my meditation. These are fear of not being “good enough.”
Since I was afraid that I was not good enough, I needed to be “better than.” I needed to prove to myself that I was good enough by having some kind of recognition or proof. But why? Why did I need that proof? Then, it came to me. If I really loved my self unconditionally, I would KNOW that, of course, I was Good Enough! When my consciousness resonates to the higher frequencies, I have that Knowing. But my ego, despite decades of work, still holds that fear.
My guess is that the complete transmutation of ego will only come when we are living completely within fifth dimensional consciousness. Whether or not it is possible to always maintain that state of consciousness while living in a physical vessel remains to be seen. In the meantime, I will continue to try to catch my fearful thoughts, emotions and behaviors and heal them with love. Most important, I will endeavor to remember to love myself unconditionally. I say “endeavor,” as I love myself unconditionally enough to know that I fail. I will fail to “catch myself” when I am tired, hungry or stressed out.
Now, knowing that, can I still love myself unconditionally?